It’s been about 3/4 of a month since I returned to work. A pretty bittersweet return, mostly bitter for me. I didn’t want to go back. I want to be at home, raising my kids because they need me and I can see it. The only sanity saving part of it is that I need some time away from my kids to clear my head and I’ve finally got it.
Still, the schedule is sort of rough. We’ve not quite perfected all the details yet. I must say that on the three days my mom comes to our house instead of us driving to hers are much easier on me.
I’m coming up on the first long work week since my return and I hope it all goes smoothly. We will have to see though. And my daughter has her Christmas program for school coming up and due to all the stuff going on in the office, I don’t know that I will be able to attend. That part’s heartbreaking to the extreme.
There are a lot of things that I haven’t had a chance to figure out emotionally yet. Possibly being unable to attend my daughter’s program. Listening to my middle child cry for me as I’m leaving and learning she stood at the door for 20 minutes just waiting for me to return. Having an infant that wants to nurse all evening because he hasn’t seen me all day.
Honestly, I feel pretty shitty about the whole thing. This work crap sucks right now.