Annual Catastrophe: 2012 Edition

Sometimes I feel like I’m cursed. Just when things start to look up and I feel I can once again chase after the things I want to do (such as writing a novel), life or fate, perhaps they are in cahoots together, one of them decides to vomit disaster in my face and leave me hanging. It usually happens close to month of November which leads me to believe that National Novel Writing Month is out to get me as well.

For the 2012 edition of Crap That Happens, I learned late last week that my consultant job will be ending in March. This is about a year earlier than I expected, and seeing as a job search can take months, this puts a rush on things. I’ve got to gear up my job search right in the middle of the holiday season. Blergh.

Except I don’t know what I want to do next. Well, there are things I’d like to do, but they feel more like pipe dreams these days. My dream job would be basically to be a virtual assistant from home with a large emphasis on writing. However, it takes a lot of time to start up a business and with three small children and a lack of support for chasing my dreams in my spare time, I don’t see them happening. Exhaustion effectively consumes me right now. But one day, I hope to put the pieces together to make it happen.

In the meantime, I have to figure out something. I’m the primary earner for our family. My money matters. I don’t know what I want to do with myself and that makes it so much more confusing. Especially considering that I thought I had another year to figure this out. It’s a tad overwhelming because I can’t really pursue what I love at this point, yet I don’t know what else I can do to make sure the kidlets are fed.

So I am waiting and debating my options. I have a little bit of time, but I can’t wait too long because it usually takes a few months to find a job and I only have five total.

In the plus department, I’ve been blogging much more regularly here in the last couple of weeks. I’m finding it be addicting and I like that I have a post up every couple of days. This may or may not continue over November. I’d like to keep my readers (all three of you) updated on my noveling progress as the month continues.

It Feels Like Fall. Busy, Busy Fall

While I had grandiose plans of all the things I wanted to accomplish this summer, it mainly fell to two things: doing some things with the kids and resting/rejuvenating myself.

I have been enjoying every Friday off since around the beginning of summer and each week I make a list of the millions of things I am going to accomplish. Each week, I have accomplished very little on these lists. Most of the time, I have demands from the two littlest people in my life to contend with. My middle child doesn’t act like your typical three year old and would give most adults a run for their money. Meanwhile, Mr. ClimberPants is busy trying to scare the daylights out of me and find new, exciting, Dangerous! things to do with his time.

Other mornings, it takes the whole morning before I can enjoy my coffee and catch up on the internet. That may sound like some serious time-wasting to some folks, but the internet is where most of my friends live. Particularly my writer friends. I spend quite a bit of time hanging out with the cool people of the Absolute Write (AW) Water Cooler, so this is my socialization. I don’t get to maintain many real life friendships, so the online ones really count. Plus, the people are really awesome and get all the weird facets of my personality. Fellow writers unite!

But the last couple of weeks have welcomed a change. I think I’ve finally decompressed enough from some of the stress in my life to start living it again, which is a major thing. But I’ve managed to tackle some of those projects waiting out there for me to get done.

I’ve been writing again as well. I think that is an effect of hanging out with the hooligans of AW’s chat more often. They encourage and pester and challenge me to Word Wars until I want to write. Then the words flow like magic, which is awesome. My biggest writing hump is usually getting going. If I stay away too long, I lose my momentum and forget what I was going for when I wrote the last time.

One of the other big things to tackle is to getting rid of the clutter in our house. I have let things get severely out of hand and now the job is enormous. I really just need to break down the cleaning up and tackle chunks at a time. So, I’ll keep making lists and work harder to get more things checked off. Motivation seems to be a hard thing to hang onto these days.

And I’ve got some big things planned for the kiddos for Christmas this year. A kid-sized entertainment area, which requires getting rid of some of the things we have now and implementing new systems to manage and store things. I’m still sketching out ideas in my head, but I think the kids will like having a private area just for them

Quite a bit of the time lately has been me in pain again. It’s all in my hips and lower back. I strongly suspect ankylosing spondylitis, which is a degenerative, inflammatory spinal disease that is autoimmune based. It’s also hereditary and my dad was diagnosed many years ago. I keep putting off going to the doctor to get an official diagnosis, perhaps out of denial? I can’t acknowledge what isn’t confirmed, you know? But the pain is getting out of hand.

Also, I need to take up yoga because that would help a lot. But I don’t really have the time or babysitter to get to any of the classes around here, so I’ve been looking for a good beginner’s video. Then once I get the computer room cleaned out and the kids’ area set up, I should have the perfect spot to do yoga. Maybe I can get the kids to join me. They’d like that.

I have a lot of topics I’d like to write about. I’ve been trying to give my writing the attention it deserves, so I hope to get started on those sometime soon in the future.

Summer Fun: Little Things Edition

Sunday afternoon my oldest was begging to go outside and blow bubbles. Now mind you, some of you may not know we are in the midst of an obscenely hot summer that threatens to melt your faces off each and every day, but we are and it’s miserable to me since the humidity has been steadily climbing. So I countered with an offer of going out after dinner when the sun is beginning to set and it is not quite so hot.

After a dinner, during which Kidlet Two spills her plate not once, but twice, we proceed out to the backyard with bubbles being the highlight of the evening.

The kids had a blast playing with bubbles. We have one of those no-spill bubble containers with the giant wands so Kidlet Three was pulling out the wand and blowing while holding it about a foot from his mouth. Too cute! The girls darted back and forth between the swing set and the bubble station.

I snapped a few pictures. At one point I asked them to get together for a group shot. This is what they gave me.

But it reminded me how much simple experiences mean and how much fun it can be. I’ve been so caught up in the stressful parts of life lately and it was nice to step back a little and just enjoy the moment. It’s time to do that more often, I think and stay in the moment with the kids and the spousal unit.

We’ll have to come up with another simple activity soon. What simple things do you like to do?

Balancing Life

After weeks of being the busiest I have been in some time, it just sort of hits me that balancing all the aspects of life is probably what makes all of it the most difficult. There’s work, home, activities, time with the kids, time with the spouse, time with myself, etc. The list just goes on and on.

After a day at work, I come home and debate what all I can do before I fall comatose to my pillow. Do I try to write something even though I feel sluggish and mushy-brained? Do I do something relaxing? Do I try to clean up our pig sty?

There are so many things competing for my attention that it is overwhelming and before I know it, I’m paralyzed into inaction.

And I know this is something I need to work on. Picking something that I can accomplish and doing that. It’s the underlying philosophy of so much.

But until last week, I felt as though I was walking around in a haze. It finally broke and though I am still tired in the evenings, I no longer feel immobilized by all the demands.

I just need to tackle a few and get moving on those. Even if it’s just a little at a time.

Changes

Over the last few weeks, I’ve neglected my blog and not posted my goals for 2012 like I said I would. But it’s all been with good reason. I am actually crossing things off the list!

We are also seeing a more normal schedule around here, so as we all adjust and are not drop dead tired all the time, I expect to have more time for hobbies and slowly get rid of my super messy house.

Most of this has been caused by the fact that I took a new job at a new company. Better pay, better hours and more flexible schedule made the decision easy. Especially given the fact that my old job was up in the air given all the layoffs occurring at all levels in that company. There are still layoffs going on, so I’m glad to be somewhere else.

I’ll dig out my goals list and post it soon, including the items I have marked off as accomplished! That last part is so exciting.

Daily Digest 12/28/11

This week has been one full of exhaustion so far. I think all of the holiday fun wore us all out.

Tuesday evening, I came home from working, stopping by the store, picking the kids up and then heading home to cook dinner and get a few other things done. Mind you, on the nights I stop somewhere it is close to 7:00 by the time I walk in the door at home. So, I get home and the husband is sitting on his bum, watching TV.

I get more than a little frustrated. There is laundry to start and dishes to do in addition to fixing the meal and getting everyone ready for bed now. Eventually I lost my cool and told him all about it. Only I wasn’t very nice about it.

Yesterday I came home and he was doing laundry AND dishes. I forgot to tell him thank you. I am going to go do that now.

Failed Plans

2011 has not been a kind year for me My mind is usually scattered more than a stack of 100 $1 bills in a hurricane breeze. I am a full time working mom with three children age five and under. On a typical day, I am gone from the house about 12 hours.

Most days I feel exhausted and overwhelmed. Those are the main factors I attribute to most of my absent-minded professor syndrome.

But these days it seems to be no matter what strategy I use to tackle the overwhelming tasks stacked against me, something comes along that blows my plan out of the water. It’s hard to watch things slip through the cracks month after month.

So I’m strategizing how to tackle 2012 and conquer my obstacles. That will be an upcoming post.

NaNoWriMo Progress

So we are between a third and halfway through National Novel Writing Month. I am behind, which I expected. But I am now taking my week of vacation, so I hope to be able to catch up among other things.

I will admit I have been getting up a little early to squeeze in a few words most mornings, which if I did this regularly, I could probably write year round. It’s a habit I need to build because I love writing. It’s fun, relaxing and just a part of me.

This last week, my husband has been exceptionally helpful around the house, so that makes my life easier too. I’ve crossed the 3k mark on my NaNo novel, which was a random idea I did for one of the Sunday Flash Fiction Challenges from Absolute Write. Best place on the interwebs evah!

I am looking forward to doing this though, so I am going to keep trucking along.

We’ve Started School

Note: I started this post in the beginning of September, but I’m just now getting around to finishing, editing, and posting this particular post.

The start of the 2011 school year hallmarked a new era for us. Kiddo One started kindergarten and it’s been very fun and she’s very excited. Our schedule’s very busy as we try to navigate all the driving around to drop off her siblings and get me to work. Plus she started soccer so I’m coaching my first U6 soccer team. That’s enough to keep us busy most nights and the poor little thing, she’s all worn out by the end of the day so I try to take it easy as best I can on the weekends and we do fun things together. I’ve been trying to get out and do things the kids love because it feels like all I do is go to work, fix dinner, put the kids to bed and fall asleep during the week and then I’m trying desperately to cling on the weekends and I still haven’t figured out how to squeeze more hours of the day because I’m exhausted as it is.

I get up as early as I can and try to stay up late as I can handle most nights but I fall asleep in the chair waiting for the kids to fall asleep or I want to do something interesting but my brain is blank. I’m so exhausted I just want the downtime to not do anything and let myself recuperate. It’s making doing the  hobbies that I enjoy and the opportunities I want to pursue very, very difficult.

My husband is not home most of the time on the weekends. He’s always out doing something that he likes and I am stuck all alone with all the housework and all the kids, and it’s making it incredibly difficult. Things are going to have to change in so many aspects of my life. I don’t know what I’m going to do. Between my marriage, my job and how the combination of those factors affect everything else, I’m maxed out physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. The urge to just give up is so great. If I wasn’t incredibly stubborn, I’d have never made it this long.

There’s a lot of soul searching in my future. In the meantime, I have to go deal with two sisters that have not stopped fighting since school started.

Crazy Busy

I promise I have plenty of things to blather on about around here, including the fact that Kidlet One started kindergarten this month!

However things have been nuts and we’re learning a new routine in addition to the smaller two not sleeping well at night.

Once things calm down, I’ll get all chatty and talk about all the new things going on.