Note: I started this post in the beginning of September, but I’m just now getting around to finishing, editing, and posting this particular post.
The start of the 2011 school year hallmarked a new era for us. Kiddo One started kindergarten and it’s been very fun and she’s very excited. Our schedule’s very busy as we try to navigate all the driving around to drop off her siblings and get me to work. Plus she started soccer so I’m coaching my first U6 soccer team. That’s enough to keep us busy most nights and the poor little thing, she’s all worn out by the end of the day so I try to take it easy as best I can on the weekends and we do fun things together. I’ve been trying to get out and do things the kids love because it feels like all I do is go to work, fix dinner, put the kids to bed and fall asleep during the week and then I’m trying desperately to cling on the weekends and I still haven’t figured out how to squeeze more hours of the day because I’m exhausted as it is.
I get up as early as I can and try to stay up late as I can handle most nights but I fall asleep in the chair waiting for the kids to fall asleep or I want to do something interesting but my brain is blank. I’m so exhausted I just want the downtime to not do anything and let myself recuperate. It’s making doing the hobbies that I enjoy and the opportunities I want to pursue very, very difficult.
My husband is not home most of the time on the weekends. He’s always out doing something that he likes and I am stuck all alone with all the housework and all the kids, and it’s making it incredibly difficult. Things are going to have to change in so many aspects of my life. I don’t know what I’m going to do. Between my marriage, my job and how the combination of those factors affect everything else, I’m maxed out physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. The urge to just give up is so great. If I wasn’t incredibly stubborn, I’d have never made it this long.
There’s a lot of soul searching in my future. In the meantime, I have to go deal with two sisters that have not stopped fighting since school started.